It's been a long time since we've seen Lara Croft playing on our hard drives. Once the darling of the computer gaming world, Lara somehow lost her sense of proportion a few decades ago. After a 40-year absence from the digital dungeons, she's trying to make a comeback with her self-funded TOMB RAIDER 2050. CGW caught up with England's polygonally encumbered ex-cover-cutie to find out what she'd been up to for all those years.

Reporter: So, you're trying to make a comeback. (Yawn.) How does it feel to be back after all these years?

CROFT: It feels great. (Exhaling a volcanic plume of smoke.) I'm finally getting back to my roots. I took great pleasure in deflowering all those computer gaming geeks so many years ago. Unfortunately, when the next big thing came along, they deserted me--I was thrown in the closet with the baseball bats and Star Wars cards. Yeah, I saw all those fickle gamers going gaga over every little tramp that bounced onto their screens, but I wasn't worried; I knew they'd come back. Well, get ready 'cause mommy's coming home again!

Reporter: Aren't you a little old to make a comeback?

CROFT: Bugger off, you cheeky wanker! Maybe I'm not as spry as I used to be, but I still ooze more sex-appeal from my arse than these new little sluts...

Reporter: Now, let's be civil.

CROFT: Alright, I'll be honest with you. I saw the DEATHTRAP DUNGEON XXI disc, starring that little tramp Red Lotus, and I decided, 'Hey, if she can do it, so can I. Red Lotus ain't got nothin' on me.

Reporter: Rumor has it you walked in and saw her in a splash screen with your husband, Mr. Nukem.

CROFT: Bollocks! I dumped that bum a long time before he ran to Lotus. Shame really, he was such a cutie-pie--lovely arse and gorgeous pecs, but nothing going on upstairs.

Reporter: Which brings up an interesting question. Don't you ever feel like you were exploited by the big gaming companies? You have to admit you haven't been cast in a TOMB RAIDER since Eidos started modeling gravity.

CROFT: Yeah, I get that a lot. But it's never been just about big boobs and tight shorts. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly easy. I've got the moves that gamers die for.

Reporter: I see. And what moves can you do now that anyone would possibly want to see?

CROFT: Lots of new moves, ya pisser. Hit a special key combo and I quickly chug my drink and bash the bad boyz with the bottle. With the new transparency and fog effects, I can blow enough smoke from my fag to confuse an army. Let that Lotus slut try that. And wait till you see my super thigh slam. It'll crack your head like an egg! (Cough, wheeze.)

Reporter: Well, there we are, a once great game character reduced to a shadow of her former greatness. How the mighty have fallen!

CROFT: Listen, reporter. One more comment about my breasts and I'll show you some of those moves right now. Just as soon as I remember the combo. Who changed this blasted interface, anyway? Prima donna designers can't leave anything alone!